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Brit's Blog
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Life Without Connor

Life Without Connor

An unexplainable emptiness in your heart when that horrible pit comes back into your stomach. You seem to be having an okay day, laughing and smiling, and then it hits you... Connor is gone. Why am I laughing? Why am I acting okay, when I'm really not? Sometimes, you feel guilty for being happy. A horrible hole in your stomach that won't go away until you take a deep breath and a huge sigh, attempting to push the feeling out from your gut.

It's a thought that causes me to shudder, and it's a feeling that you just can't describe to anyone as hard as you try. People will listen, and people will offer their condolences, but they just can't feel what your feeling. Knowing that when you go home, he won't be there, as much as you wish he would. He won't be there to greet me with a huge smile, and a big hug, with a kiss on the 'wips.' I will never see him again until the day that I, myself, die.

A kid who was loved by all who met him is no longer on this earth. Time goes by quick, and five, almost six years is not a long time. It's almost a blur that he ever exsisted. I can remember things from my childhood like yesturday, yet it's hard for me to ever remember Connor not being in my life, considering he was such a huge part of it for six years. Sometimes time just freezes for a while, and you feel like your just a zombie walking around, unsure of what to do or say and nobody understands why your taking so long. Nearly everything reminds me of him, but I like it that way. I don't ever want to lose my memories. It's like a safe haven where you can go back in time for a moment to a time when everything was okay.

Everyone tells you "he's in a better place. He's in Heaven." Yes, he's in Heaven and some days that's the only thing that gets me through.. but other days, it doesn't matter. He's not with me, he's not with his mommy or daddy where he's supposed to be. I never want anyone to forget him, and I also never want anyone to think we're "over" this or we're so "strong." Whoever said time heals wounds is wrong. This wound will never heal, maybe it will ease on certain days, but I don't think there's really a 'timeframe' on when I will recover from this. I don't want to get over him, and I never will. I don't want to tumble into a downward spiral and wallow in my misery and make people for bad for me... no. Connor wouldn't want me like that, and I don't want to live a life like that.

What I want-- I want Connor to be remembered for who he was. A simple, fun-loving, caring child who would've given anything for anyone. A kid who loved nothing more than being with his family, and sitting outside by a fire riding his bike around and around in his dragon shirt pretending to be a Power Ranger. The sweetest, most gentle child who loved to squeeze my face and say "Oh little Brittany" and lay in the closet with me for an hour just to 'talk.' Or sing kareokee with me as loud as he could, and dance around on the back table.

All that's left is pictures, memories, and stories that help me keep his memory alive and as many tears that they bring, they also bring joy. I know he's looking down on me, and for the rest of my life, he will always be my little brother. That will never change. I have to believe that I will be with him again, and when the gates of Heaven open for me, his smiling face will be waiting to greet me.


Posted by brittanywebberfamily at 10:59 PM EDT
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Stem cell research

Yet another one of my rants, and if anyone cares to read, be my guest.

 

President Bush vetoed the embryonic stem cell bill for the second time and announced no new federal dollars for the research, and people are having a fit again saying "Bush is heartless" and "He doesn't care about curing diseases."  The reason that so many people are for stem cell research is to help find a cure to different diseases, such as Parkinson's or Alzheimer's disease.  That's great, and I believe that we should find a cure and a lot of good could come from it, but right now, it seems more bad would come than good.  But yet again, nobody thinks about the consequences and the future and what could come out of stem cell research.

 

I think that a lot of people think that this is based strictly on religious beliefs, and maybe it is for the President.  I don't really know.  I personally am against it for one reason and one reason only and that is what could, and most likely will happen if it's made legal.  I can sit back and look at the whole picture here, and I can completely understand why we should do it.  It could help in many departments.  Then I look at in a different perspective and really… it's like playing "God" and messing with Mother Nature.  It's not meant to be done.  You're not supposed to be able to just clone people as you please, which is what would most likely come out of the research.  Human life is not something to be messed around with and it's not just like going to the store and buying something.  You can't have all these added bonuses simply if you hand over the cash and pay more.  Scientists like to experiment, it's what they do. Eventually, I believe, people will start being able to pick and choose what genetics they want their children to have, the sex of their baby, specific birth selection, as well being able to have clones of people walking around!  It's morally wrong.  How do we even know if this will work, and if it ever will find a cure to certain diseases? We don't.  And I would think, or hope at least, that most people with spine problems, or Parkinson's, or anything would want definite answers before risking the chance of dying to 'maybe' walk again.

 

In order to legalize stem cell research, there needs to be a way to regulate the research to strictly be used only for stem cell research.  Then, and only then do I think it should even be considered to become legal.  There are simply too many things that could go wrong, and we live in America… if you honestly think that it wouldn't be used for the wrong things then I think you should think twice.  Before anything, there needs to be the most amount of effort being put into figuring out how they can control the research so that it can be done and it's definitely not something that should be kept unmonitored.

Posted by brittanywebberfamily at 10:57 PM EDT
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Life & Happiness


If anyone could ever solve the mystery to life, I'd hope that I could be the first person to know. I've been trying to understand it for so long. But the most important thing that I've ever comprehended…. is that life will never truly be understood. And once you can learn to accept that, then that's the best feeling in the world. It just is what it is, and don't try to over examine it. Happiness is not something that comes easy, or comes for free. It's something you have to work at. I think the problem is that people have the wrong perception of happiness, and I believe that once you can learn to be happy with nothing, than you can be happy with everything. Once you can accept that happiness is not something you can buy, but that it's truly what you, as in individual, make of it. If you're determined to live an unhappy life, then you'll be unhappy. If you plan on making a good life for yourself, then you will. It's really as simple as that. And once you can make it so that it's not so complex, you'll go through life a lot easier.

So many people complicate their lives, and usually it's the simpler people who get a better grasp on the true meaning of life. The first people, in my opinion, who had that concept down was the Indians. They understood the meaning of a good fire, of the nature around them, and of their land. They were smart, and they never boasted about it. One thing that drives me crazy is when people do something, not for themselves, but simply to prove something to the people around them. The wisest people in the world will do something good, and never tell anybody. If it makes you feel good as a person, you've accomplished what you needed. There's no need to tell everybody else. You just do it. People will respect you more. My belief is that God made everybody different for a reason, and if you can accept the fact that everyone is different and that the world wouldn't go round if everyone was the same, then your better off than a lot of people.


Posted by brittanywebberfamily at 5:59 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Taking Politics.

I never understand why Bush gets so much crap for every little thing he does; including speech problems, saying words wrong, and giving the finger on film before he was elected president. Bill Clinton got busted with Monica Lewinsky in the White House, was going to be impeached for his actions, and then lied to the courts and jury.  Besides the fact that he didn't do much for this country as a president. 

Everyone says Bush "screwed up the world." Bush screwing up the world is hardly a fact, merely just an opinion and in mine, each person to its own. WE screw ourselves up, not one man who's at the head of the government. I don't judge Clinton on his personal affairs in the White House -- I judge Clinton on the crappy president that he was. He had many opportunities to prevent this war from happening, and Bush gets all the blame for it because he happened to had just become president when 9/11 happened. Bush did the right thing at the time and handled the situation as best as any human being, president or not, could with the information he was given.

I don't think Saddam beheading, harassing, cutting off fingers, hands, toes, tongues, and using weapons to destroy neighbor's counts as peaceful living. To tack on the list of offenses, Mr. Hussein also went against the UN, who knew exactly what he was doing and participated in Oil for food scandals. This seems to me like a problem, one not created by Bush, but a power hungry-turned-into-hiding coward. The American forces pulled him out of power. I don't consider that screwing the world. I consider that a generous favor for those people put under oppression. Now there are other people that are there in the country that liked Saddam and want what he did to keep on going, because they liked their 'benefits' they received but the majority of the people wanted him out.

Another note, Bush presented the case the congress, who accepted the invasion into Iraq. The US was not blindly led into Iraq. Kerry, Kennedy, and plenty of other democratic politicians agreed with it, given the information at the time. Action was taken based on information received at the time, you can never be 100% sure of anything because you don't know till well after things have been done. And Clinton, if you really want to get down to the stupid things he did, besides his extraneous affairs - He let the prolonged suffering continue. He wanted to make peace with everyone, because he didn't want to get any crap for it himself. So thus there were more innocent people to be mutilated. Clinton saw what was going on, and his answer to it was to bomb some areas and call that good. You don't do anything by sending a couple of bombs over. You have to take complete action. BOTH sides (conservative and liberal) voted to go into war. He lied to the court, which is why he had his practicing license taken away.

What Clinton did is as much or more of an insult than anything Bush has done. He put his own selfishness above the countries reputation. Everyone gets mad at Bush, saying he's stupid and he's a load of crap and he screwed up America. Every person that tries to do something on a large scale is going to make mistakes, it's inevitable, and Bush is no exception, but again I say he went with information presented to him. Clinton's bombed more than once, and people are quick to forgive him. I just wish people would give Bush the same courtesy. Both sides do stupid things. However, people bring discussions up purely to take cheap shots; most is a cheap shot at Bush. I'm fine with people going against my opinion, but I also think its unfair people taking low blows out of a president because of other things. I never hear any such thing about Clinton. I was taught that the president that was elected should be respected. I thought that when Clinton was in office, and the same with Bush.

He also got all the blame for Katrina. And many people argue that we shouldn't even get into other countries business, yet the US is the leading country in the world. Plus the east, and the US, which is actually a major part of the UN - funding and such - I think has ever right to be involved in those things. Especially when people break treaties, are initiating a mass killing, and other actions that could affect the US. In other words he has to be nosy, it's his job. It's called being aware. Countries are always needing/wanting money, help, etc from the US yet when it's given to them everyone complains!

Can anyone tell me why the war was unnecessary? I'd sure like to know. Yes, I can say that this war is going on TOO long. But, on the other hand, you just can't pull out of a war when it's not finished. Then, all of the soldiers who have fallen will have died for NO reason. And their lives should not have lived in vein. The same thing that happened in Vietnam would happen. Those soldiers died for our country because they have pride, they knew the risks and they would gladly die for our country. Or else WHY on earth would you join the army? Knowing there's always a risk we could go to war. They were not forced.  The war was a necessary action that needed to be taken into act and QUICK since our hot shot ex-president Clinton couldn't handle it on his own and dragged stuff out as long as he could, until he was no longer president and all of the problems get handed to the new president, who now gets the blame for it all. YES, things could've been handled differently. But can't they always?  That's the beauty of hindsight.

3,000 innocent Americans died on Sept. 11th, 2001. I think we as a country had a right to defend ourselves since those lives were lost by terrorism which we are trying to prevent from ever happening again. On 9/11 Bush said that it was a war against terrorism, which included networks. And if people want to get into Iraq, let's check back to 1991, and a little before. When Saddam went into Kuwait and killed thousands. He asked the US what to do, and we said "figure it out on your own." Thousands of Kurds were killed, this problem with Saddam, who by the way was also offered to Clintontwice, if not three times, and he did nothing. If you want to talk about unjust politics, and stupid mistakes check there first.  For years we've been trying to peacefully talk things out with no progress. After a very real attack of 9/11 the president was given information, again information gathered from both the CIA, British Intelligence agency and more, Saddam was both resistant to having UN people go in. They were redirected to other places and if you don't think there was evidence of weapons of mass destruction... well you should've seen Saddam's nice little underground paddock, it had small rooms with two bunk beds, rows upon rows of rooms, where gas masks, boots, and other protective equipment was held. This was not fake, it is very real, and it doesn't matter if the weapons were chemical, nuclear, or automatic there was something going on, and rather than have another 9/11 times 50, Bush had enough information to attack the situation from the start. Weapons of mass destruction can be moved very easily by the way.

WE as Americans elected Bush into office, that's our right as citizens, so we have nobody to get mad at except your own people. That was most likely initiated by more than just Bush. Which is what I've been saying. For some reason the world and America thinks that everything bad should be planted on the one man they can point a finger at. They forget that there are more people involved. All Clinton did during his run was raise taxes, drop a few bombs, and slept with women. I agree, we need to get out of Iraq, but we cannot do that until all the knots are tied.

Posted by brittanywebberfamily at 11:01 AM EDT
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